Inner Child Q & A

WHAT IS INNER CHILD WORK?

The inner child resides within our emotions, when we feel sadness or joy, excitement or vulnerability, the inner child surfaces.  Within you exists sub-conscious personalities two of which are the inner child and inner parent who dictate your behaviours on a day to day basis. Inner child work helps us to dissect the different parts of who we are, explore, define, and understand them and the roles they play in our lives.  Inner child work is an exploration of childhood memories to develop understanding and insight of our emotions and behaviours. 

WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?

Understanding who we are is a powerful place to be in.  As we become aware of ourselves, we become whole and healthy in mind body and spirit which greatly improves emotional well-being.  This work helps us to easily connect with the root of our emotional triggers, assumptions and limiting beliefs.  Some of the issues that may be carried into adult life such as fear, separation, jealousy, anxiety and addiction to name a few can be explored to understand the original hurt we experienced during childhood.  By seeing it from an alternative perspective we can release the emotion we have stored around it and any limitations we have placed on ourselves.  By re-experiencing childhood feelings, we are able to identify, express, release and transform old feelings to re-build our emotional foundations as an adult.

WHO DOES THIS HAPPEN TO?

In short, everyone! No parent, regardless of how ‘bad’ you may perceive them intends to hurt their child.  There is no such thing as a bad intention and parents do the best they know how.  But parents have their own inner child, their own emotional wounds and limiting beliefs that dictate their behaviour and as such the cycle continues.  In early childhood psychological development, the memories of any painful experiences you have gets stored in your sub-conscious and when that memory is triggered in adulthood the childlike response comes out.  I’m sure we can all admit that at times we have acted irrationally and never fully understood why? This is your inner child acting out because it is in angry, afraid, hurt or feels threatened.

WHEN DOES THIS HAPPEN?

During your early childhood years, generally around the age of 3 or 4 as this is the age you are beginning to become aware of yourself and define yourself, the world around you and how you fit into it.  This is where your assumptions and limiting beliefs begin.  For some children it could be earlier or later depending on the level of pain, trauma or abuse the child felt.  It’s important to note that this does not only apply to children that have suffered abuse, any child that ever felt separate, scared, lonely, isolated or invalidated would have felt pain and created coping mechanisms, protection strategies and assumptions.

HOW DO I BECOME AWARE OF THIS?

By paying attention to yourself and becoming aware of your reactions.  By developing a relationship with your inner child, asking them questions and listening to the answers.

HOW DO I RECOGNISE THE INNER CHILD IN ME?

The child part of you is innocent, joyful and creative.  It’s the part of you that wants to play, laugh and have fun.  It’s the part of you that brings joy and laughter to yourself and others. Your inner child is pure unconditional love.  It’s also the part of you that gets fearful, vulnerable and needs validation and protection.  Generally, when you feel your insecurities being triggered and act irrationally this is your inner child making themselves known. 

HOW DO I RECOGNISE I AM DISCONNECTED FROM MY INNER CHILD?

When you feel angry, lonely, depressed, anxious or unsafe.  If you feel confused, resentful or irritated. You could be struggling to focus, have a lack of creativity, and feel stressed or overwhelmed.  When you act with aggression / passive aggression, control or any other behaviour that comes from ego, fear and insecurity you are disconnected from your innocence.

HOW DOES BEING UNAWARE OF MY INNER CHILD IMPACT MY LIFE?

Most likely you will have difficulties with relationships either romantic or family.  You may have difficulties with co-workers or have a hard time making and keeping friends or feeling like you don’t fit in/belong.  You may not be as productive or loving as you could be, you may hold on to resentments and find forgiveness and letting go difficult.  You may feel stuck in life and find it hard to move forward.  You may not have the confidence to be yourself and feel you hide your true self away and fear showing the real you will result in rejection/abandonment.

HOW DO I HONOUR MY INNER CHILD?

Listen to them, pay attention, hold space, play with them, and give them validation.  You can encourage childlike activities where they get to be true to themselves and express themselves creatively.  Make them feel safe and let them be a child.  Love them and accept them for the pure, innocent being that they are.  Giving them hugs, kisses, compliments and reassurance.  Encourage them, nurture them and become their friend. 

HOW DOES THIS AFFECT MY EVERY DAY LIFE?

Developing a relationship with your inner child teaches you a fundamental structure for all intimate connections.  Developing healthy boundaries and communication with others both personally and professionally.  Developing the ability to understand your emotions and process them without being emotionally reactive.   Building your confidence, self acceptance, self-love, and ultimately self-worth.